This past weekend I went on the Catholic Charismatic Renewal of New Orleans' Women's Retreat at the Lafayette Hilton. This was my second year attending and it was amazing, especially spending it with my sisters from my prayer group, Women Empowered by the Word of God.
I have been blessed with so many new friends since my separation/divorce...women (and a few men) I have met through Beginning Experience. Women who have gone through the same grief with the death of their marriage...some by divorce, some by death. God has led these to these wonderful women for a reason and I am so thankful to Him because of it.
Friday night was praise and worship, a testimony and then a teaching. Saturday I attended a Life in the Spirit Seminar (this is the 3rd one I have attended) and each time I attend I come away with something new! I could feel God's presence in my heart and that is such an amazing feeling. God gave me the gift of tongues!
After the seminar was over we went back into the ballroom to be prayed over individually by Father Richard McAlear. This wonderful man suffers with arthritis of the spine but prayed over each one of the 600+ retreatants! Patti Mansfield (an amazing woman who I will write about in a minute) told us to keep our eyes open and look into Father McAlear's eyes as he prayed over us. All I can say is WOW!!! It is so hard to describe what I felt when I looked into his eyes...his kind, compassionate eyes! He then made the sign of the sign of the cross on my forehead and gently touched my cheek. I felt such peace!
Sunday after Mass, when Patti was speaking she asked how many of us felt like we were looking directly into Jesus' eyes when Father McAlear prayed over us and that is exactly how I felt!!!!
As for Patti Mansfield, what an amazing woman! I feel so honored that she is with CCRNO, especially since she was present at Duquesne University when the Holy Spirit was present for the start of the Catholic Charismatic Renewal. Patti has ministered on five continents, has addressed Pope John Paul II and Pope Benedict XVI and I get to hear her testimony and teachings!
I haven't been attending the weekly CCRNO meetings much this past year, but I know God is calling me back to them!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Positive Thoughts
Most people who succeed in the face of seemingly impossible conditions are people who simply don't know how to quit.
-Robert Schuller
Ok, last week I had a negative day! So what better way to make up for that than have a positive weekend with my babies! Yes, the Saints lost, but they had a great season!
Cole and Hannah went to their cousin's birthday party Saturday night and Sunday they "helped" me put the fall and Christmas decorations in the attic...when I say help, I mean they stood on the bottom of the steps to make sure I didn't fall...LOL. It was such a beautiful day out that they wanted to "make a tent" in the backyard. I have a huge tent but I had bought a smaller one that I hadn't used yet so I set it up for them and THEY LOVED IT! They played in it all Sunday and Monday while I cleaned house. It was just a nice, relaxing weekend at home (except for the cleaming but that wasn't too bad either). I feel like I accomplished alot!
On a sad note, today I am praying for Courtney Roth who lost her son Tripp to EB over the weekend. Most, if not all, of my friends know this story. I cannot imagine the feeling over losing a child, no matter how much you think you are prepared for it. I am praying for Courtney for strength to go on with her guardian drummer boy watching over her, safe in Jesus' arms.
-Robert Schuller
Ok, last week I had a negative day! So what better way to make up for that than have a positive weekend with my babies! Yes, the Saints lost, but they had a great season!
Cole and Hannah went to their cousin's birthday party Saturday night and Sunday they "helped" me put the fall and Christmas decorations in the attic...when I say help, I mean they stood on the bottom of the steps to make sure I didn't fall...LOL. It was such a beautiful day out that they wanted to "make a tent" in the backyard. I have a huge tent but I had bought a smaller one that I hadn't used yet so I set it up for them and THEY LOVED IT! They played in it all Sunday and Monday while I cleaned house. It was just a nice, relaxing weekend at home (except for the cleaming but that wasn't too bad either). I feel like I accomplished alot!
On a sad note, today I am praying for Courtney Roth who lost her son Tripp to EB over the weekend. Most, if not all, of my friends know this story. I cannot imagine the feeling over losing a child, no matter how much you think you are prepared for it. I am praying for Courtney for strength to go on with her guardian drummer boy watching over her, safe in Jesus' arms.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Marriage is Forever...yeah right!
I was looking forward to a weekend with the kids, which was interrupted by Cole telling me they had a surprise party to go to Saturday night for their cousin. Part of me wanted to say, it's my weekend, so sorry. But I know how much Cole and Hannah love their cousin, Paige, so I put my feelings aside once again so they could go with their dad to their cousin's party.
This has made me do so much thinking about the kids. When I was divorced from my first husband I knew we married too young and it was for the best and I didn't look back, and neither did he. In fact, we had a very civil relationship for James and Amanda's sake. I said if I ever got married again, it would be forever.....little did I know.
When Kelly and I met we hit it off. After my first divorce I became stronger in my faith and knew that when I met someone they would have to have a strong Catholic faith. I found reassurance in the fact that Kelly went to St. Louis King of France and then Brother Martin. His screenname (yes we met online) was even his confirmation name! Boy was I naive! We didn't get married in the church because we had already had Cole and I was expecting Hannah. When we would go to mass I wouldn't go to communion. He would ask why and I would tell him I couldn't because we weren't married in the church. He told me "that doesn't matter, just go".
After Hannah's birth I suffered from post-partum depression and my mother had come out of remission for her leukemia. I worked full-time and Kelly stayed home with the kids. I found out later that Kelly was meeting women online and running up the phone bill calling them. Instead of being there for me after giving birth to his daughter, he just turned to other women. When I found out (one night he left a chat screen open...when I saw it I felt like I had been punched in the gut. He was calling them from the shed...his man cave... on the cordless phone. I bought a cheap phone at Walgreens and listened in. I heard him talking, went out in the shed and he LIED TO MY FACE and said he was talking to his sister. When I said it wasn't her and told him what I had heard his face dropped), he swore he would go to counseling with me, but he went to one of my counseling sessions, didn't like what my therapist had to say, and never went to any session again. My mom died a month later. When I told him that the doctors had given him 2 days to 2 weeks to live and that I wanted to go see her he flew into a rage, started hitting things and destroyed the coffee table my dad had made. I was TERRIFIED. I called his dad because I didn't want to have to call the police...naive again!. His dad came over and calmed him down, the whole time I was packing because I was going to see my mom whether he liked it or not.
That was a horrible trip. We took my older kids so we all could say goodbye and Kelly got furious because I said my oldest who was 17 at the time was coming too. Kelly and James got along in the beginning but James would not listen to us, would steal and break things, let kids in our house when we were gone...the things 17 years old aren't supposed to do but do. So not only did I have to deal with the tension between Kelly and James, I left Wisconsin knowing that I would NEVER see my mother here on earth again. James, Amanda and I cried for an hour on the trip home (Cole and Hannah were too young....Cole was 1 1/2 and Hannah was 8 months).
My mother passed away one week later. At first I wasn't going to go to the funeral in Wisconsin because I knew we would be having the burial and a memorial service in LaPlace. Our trip to Wisconsin was the last week of June, my brother's wedding was July 2nd, my parents' 43rd anniversary was July 4th and my mom passed away July 7th. I had a ticket to go to Lake Tahoe for Chris' wedding because I stayed an extra day with Mom (I still feel guilty about not going to his wedding) I changed my airline ticket to go to the funeral. We actually took a picture of all five of us kids with my dad outside the church and I think that is the last picture we have of all of us together.
Well, things between Kelly and I got a little better...for a while.
I quit work in August 2007 and he went back to work. His attitude started to change then. I think he resented that I "made" him go back to work. I wasn't not working, I had actually started a business with his sister and a friend called "Fleur de Lis and More" selling fleur de lis items at craft shows and festivals...some was resale..some stuff we made which I enjoyed. The shows were mostly on the weekends but since he worked with his dad his schedule could change if we had something during the week. He liked the extra money that I made and he controlled it all (I will admit that I am horrible with finances and housework).
Things "seemed" to be going fine. We would have family meals, go on Sunday drives, etc.
About a year later my kids would talk about "Miss Sassy" at the shop (they would go with him occasionally). This talk came and went and he told me it was his dad's friend. This was normal at the shop so I didn't think anything of it. But when it started getting close to his 40th birthday I could tell it was bothering him. He started acting really weird. A month later my dad was diagnosed with cancer and ended up in the hospital in Wisconsin. I flew up to take care of him and we were told he couldn't live alone. (We could tell something was wrong when he came visit us at Thanksgiving). When I left Kelly told me to do what I needed to do and Dad could come to our house if needed. So while I was trying to get him packed up in Wisconsin (my sister flew up to drive him down with me), Kelly was really great about getting a room set up down here for him and getting a hospital bed, wheelchair, etc.
Although I wouldn't change it, that was a tough year - 2009. My dad needed constant help but finally was stable (had to be stable for 3 months to be considered remission) but he had a month long hospital stay 3 weeks after he got here and I had to stay at the hospital with him every night and Marsha would help out 2 nights a week...thank God because those are the only 2 nights a week I slept. I was a walking zombie. Kelly was so great with the kids. One day he said he was proud of me for all I was doing and I said "you would do the same for your parents." He said "no I wouldn't" (but I truly think he would...to some extent). In August 2009 Kelly told me I had to go back to work so I was fortunate to get a part-time job with a former employer starting September 1st - worked 3 days a week and took dad to his appointments and whatever on the other 2 days. Dad would go to Chris' in Baton Rouge for weekend visits, but didn't want to...he liked his comfort zone. On November 23rd, Dad called me and said he had fallen. I asked if he was ok and he said yes. I asked if he needed me to come home and he said no. He had fallen 2 weeks before at Chris' and didn't even call Chris...Chris happened to come home for lunch and my dad told him. I called him a little later and asked how he was and he said hurting. I asked if I should come home and he said no. When I got home I took him to urgent care for x-rays and he had 4 broken ribs. To this day I feel guilt, regret, sadness, anger...whatever, for not coming home when he first called. They sent him home on pain medication. The next day Marsha came to stay with him (she was off that week) while I went to work. When the home health nurse came she got him admitted to the hospital...Dad never came home. He was in the hospital for about month and I was going back and forth from work, the kids' activities, etc. On December 18, 2009 he died. I got the call at 11:00 at night and Kelly answered the phone. As I was getting dressed to go to the hospital, I was freaking out saying something happened. He said no it didn't they would have told me. I got home at 4:00 a.m. the next morning and he got up from the couch and moved to the bed...he didn't say a word to me or even hug me. Dad's funeral was the Monday after Christmas.
The 2nd week in January Kelly told me he wanted a divorce when the estate was taken care of . I knew that could take a year or more so I didn't think anything of it. Things went on as usual although after I went back to work the kids talked ALOT about Miss Sassy - going to the park, getting ice cream, she went to pick up Cole from school with Daddy. The day I was planning my dad's funeral we were at the grocery store and they said "that looks like Miss Sassy's car." Well, I knew his dad's friend didn't drive that kind of car so I didn't know what to think. That night Kelly told me he wasn't going to the funeral because James was going to be there. I got so upset and told him that not only should he put his feelings aside out of respect for my dad, did he even consider that I might need my husband there. He went but he wasn't really there for me...he was really distant.
A few months later I stopped at the shop to get a check from him and he ran out of the shop and started yelling at me and looked into the shop. I was so embarrassed I left. As I was driving off Hannah said "that looks like Miss Sassy's car" parked across the street. Then she told me Miss Sassy was sitting on Daddy's lap kissing him. I couldn't breathe. Here I was going through the hardest year in my life and Kelly was having an affair, in front of my kids and having them lie to me about it. I do research so I started researching, found out her name, email address, etc. and she denied knowing he was married....whatever.
Things got really tense before I was able to move out. I still can't believe how naive I was believing his lies, but what makes me really angry is that he continues to lie to me and teaching the kids that lying is ok!
To sum up his affair.....he contacted her via myspace when she was 18, which was in 2008 and they were seeing each other for a year and a half before he told me he wanted a divorce. She ended up moving in with him which wasn't allowed by courts, getting in a wreck in our car, and overdosing on pain medication at his house three months after she moved in. He lied to me about her living there and even asked to borrow money to get caught up on his mortgage because he was three months behind and then said it wasn't a "loan". I even bought him a ticket to a Saints game to go with me and the kids so he could experience the kids first Saints game - all while his girlfriend was living with him which I so stupidly believed him when he said she wasn't. I won't even get into the pain medicine thing....I just hope he can live with himself for making my dad go through more pain than he should have had to!
I just feel really bad for Cole and Hannah because they don't deserve their world being torn apart and instead of their dad trying to work toward keeping their family together so they can have the best things in life, they have to go back and forth every two days, because that is what Daddy wanted.
Don't get me wrong, knowing all the lies (that I think he actually believes) that were told I stupidly believed, I am better off without him, but people are so quick to quit on their marriages and move on to some other poor unsuspecting person instead of doing what is right. I just pray that for Cole and Hannah's sake he comes to his senses.
This has made me do so much thinking about the kids. When I was divorced from my first husband I knew we married too young and it was for the best and I didn't look back, and neither did he. In fact, we had a very civil relationship for James and Amanda's sake. I said if I ever got married again, it would be forever.....little did I know.
When Kelly and I met we hit it off. After my first divorce I became stronger in my faith and knew that when I met someone they would have to have a strong Catholic faith. I found reassurance in the fact that Kelly went to St. Louis King of France and then Brother Martin. His screenname (yes we met online) was even his confirmation name! Boy was I naive! We didn't get married in the church because we had already had Cole and I was expecting Hannah. When we would go to mass I wouldn't go to communion. He would ask why and I would tell him I couldn't because we weren't married in the church. He told me "that doesn't matter, just go".
After Hannah's birth I suffered from post-partum depression and my mother had come out of remission for her leukemia. I worked full-time and Kelly stayed home with the kids. I found out later that Kelly was meeting women online and running up the phone bill calling them. Instead of being there for me after giving birth to his daughter, he just turned to other women. When I found out (one night he left a chat screen open...when I saw it I felt like I had been punched in the gut. He was calling them from the shed...his man cave... on the cordless phone. I bought a cheap phone at Walgreens and listened in. I heard him talking, went out in the shed and he LIED TO MY FACE and said he was talking to his sister. When I said it wasn't her and told him what I had heard his face dropped), he swore he would go to counseling with me, but he went to one of my counseling sessions, didn't like what my therapist had to say, and never went to any session again. My mom died a month later. When I told him that the doctors had given him 2 days to 2 weeks to live and that I wanted to go see her he flew into a rage, started hitting things and destroyed the coffee table my dad had made. I was TERRIFIED. I called his dad because I didn't want to have to call the police...naive again!. His dad came over and calmed him down, the whole time I was packing because I was going to see my mom whether he liked it or not.
That was a horrible trip. We took my older kids so we all could say goodbye and Kelly got furious because I said my oldest who was 17 at the time was coming too. Kelly and James got along in the beginning but James would not listen to us, would steal and break things, let kids in our house when we were gone...the things 17 years old aren't supposed to do but do. So not only did I have to deal with the tension between Kelly and James, I left Wisconsin knowing that I would NEVER see my mother here on earth again. James, Amanda and I cried for an hour on the trip home (Cole and Hannah were too young....Cole was 1 1/2 and Hannah was 8 months).
My mother passed away one week later. At first I wasn't going to go to the funeral in Wisconsin because I knew we would be having the burial and a memorial service in LaPlace. Our trip to Wisconsin was the last week of June, my brother's wedding was July 2nd, my parents' 43rd anniversary was July 4th and my mom passed away July 7th. I had a ticket to go to Lake Tahoe for Chris' wedding because I stayed an extra day with Mom (I still feel guilty about not going to his wedding) I changed my airline ticket to go to the funeral. We actually took a picture of all five of us kids with my dad outside the church and I think that is the last picture we have of all of us together.
Well, things between Kelly and I got a little better...for a while.
I quit work in August 2007 and he went back to work. His attitude started to change then. I think he resented that I "made" him go back to work. I wasn't not working, I had actually started a business with his sister and a friend called "Fleur de Lis and More" selling fleur de lis items at craft shows and festivals...some was resale..some stuff we made which I enjoyed. The shows were mostly on the weekends but since he worked with his dad his schedule could change if we had something during the week. He liked the extra money that I made and he controlled it all (I will admit that I am horrible with finances and housework).
Things "seemed" to be going fine. We would have family meals, go on Sunday drives, etc.
About a year later my kids would talk about "Miss Sassy" at the shop (they would go with him occasionally). This talk came and went and he told me it was his dad's friend. This was normal at the shop so I didn't think anything of it. But when it started getting close to his 40th birthday I could tell it was bothering him. He started acting really weird. A month later my dad was diagnosed with cancer and ended up in the hospital in Wisconsin. I flew up to take care of him and we were told he couldn't live alone. (We could tell something was wrong when he came visit us at Thanksgiving). When I left Kelly told me to do what I needed to do and Dad could come to our house if needed. So while I was trying to get him packed up in Wisconsin (my sister flew up to drive him down with me), Kelly was really great about getting a room set up down here for him and getting a hospital bed, wheelchair, etc.
Although I wouldn't change it, that was a tough year - 2009. My dad needed constant help but finally was stable (had to be stable for 3 months to be considered remission) but he had a month long hospital stay 3 weeks after he got here and I had to stay at the hospital with him every night and Marsha would help out 2 nights a week...thank God because those are the only 2 nights a week I slept. I was a walking zombie. Kelly was so great with the kids. One day he said he was proud of me for all I was doing and I said "you would do the same for your parents." He said "no I wouldn't" (but I truly think he would...to some extent). In August 2009 Kelly told me I had to go back to work so I was fortunate to get a part-time job with a former employer starting September 1st - worked 3 days a week and took dad to his appointments and whatever on the other 2 days. Dad would go to Chris' in Baton Rouge for weekend visits, but didn't want to...he liked his comfort zone. On November 23rd, Dad called me and said he had fallen. I asked if he was ok and he said yes. I asked if he needed me to come home and he said no. He had fallen 2 weeks before at Chris' and didn't even call Chris...Chris happened to come home for lunch and my dad told him. I called him a little later and asked how he was and he said hurting. I asked if I should come home and he said no. When I got home I took him to urgent care for x-rays and he had 4 broken ribs. To this day I feel guilt, regret, sadness, anger...whatever, for not coming home when he first called. They sent him home on pain medication. The next day Marsha came to stay with him (she was off that week) while I went to work. When the home health nurse came she got him admitted to the hospital...Dad never came home. He was in the hospital for about month and I was going back and forth from work, the kids' activities, etc. On December 18, 2009 he died. I got the call at 11:00 at night and Kelly answered the phone. As I was getting dressed to go to the hospital, I was freaking out saying something happened. He said no it didn't they would have told me. I got home at 4:00 a.m. the next morning and he got up from the couch and moved to the bed...he didn't say a word to me or even hug me. Dad's funeral was the Monday after Christmas.
The 2nd week in January Kelly told me he wanted a divorce when the estate was taken care of . I knew that could take a year or more so I didn't think anything of it. Things went on as usual although after I went back to work the kids talked ALOT about Miss Sassy - going to the park, getting ice cream, she went to pick up Cole from school with Daddy. The day I was planning my dad's funeral we were at the grocery store and they said "that looks like Miss Sassy's car." Well, I knew his dad's friend didn't drive that kind of car so I didn't know what to think. That night Kelly told me he wasn't going to the funeral because James was going to be there. I got so upset and told him that not only should he put his feelings aside out of respect for my dad, did he even consider that I might need my husband there. He went but he wasn't really there for me...he was really distant.
A few months later I stopped at the shop to get a check from him and he ran out of the shop and started yelling at me and looked into the shop. I was so embarrassed I left. As I was driving off Hannah said "that looks like Miss Sassy's car" parked across the street. Then she told me Miss Sassy was sitting on Daddy's lap kissing him. I couldn't breathe. Here I was going through the hardest year in my life and Kelly was having an affair, in front of my kids and having them lie to me about it. I do research so I started researching, found out her name, email address, etc. and she denied knowing he was married....whatever.
Things got really tense before I was able to move out. I still can't believe how naive I was believing his lies, but what makes me really angry is that he continues to lie to me and teaching the kids that lying is ok!
To sum up his affair.....he contacted her via myspace when she was 18, which was in 2008 and they were seeing each other for a year and a half before he told me he wanted a divorce. She ended up moving in with him which wasn't allowed by courts, getting in a wreck in our car, and overdosing on pain medication at his house three months after she moved in. He lied to me about her living there and even asked to borrow money to get caught up on his mortgage because he was three months behind and then said it wasn't a "loan". I even bought him a ticket to a Saints game to go with me and the kids so he could experience the kids first Saints game - all while his girlfriend was living with him which I so stupidly believed him when he said she wasn't. I won't even get into the pain medicine thing....I just hope he can live with himself for making my dad go through more pain than he should have had to!
I just feel really bad for Cole and Hannah because they don't deserve their world being torn apart and instead of their dad trying to work toward keeping their family together so they can have the best things in life, they have to go back and forth every two days, because that is what Daddy wanted.
Don't get me wrong, knowing all the lies (that I think he actually believes) that were told I stupidly believed, I am better off without him, but people are so quick to quit on their marriages and move on to some other poor unsuspecting person instead of doing what is right. I just pray that for Cole and Hannah's sake he comes to his senses.
Honesty
Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and denotes positive, virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness along with the absence of lying, cheating, or theft. - wikipedia.
It amazes me how dishonest some people can be. I am not just talking about my ex (even though I once again caught him in a lie). It seems to have become more the norm today. As far as my ex goes, I will tell you this, I wouldn't wish any of the feelings of hurt, betrayal and rejection on my worst enemy, including him, that I have felt these past two years. I can say for a fact that I did nothing to earn the disrespect I received.
I know I am not perfect but I try to be a good person and I do try to improve myself. I can honestly say that if I were to die tomorrow, I feel that I am in a good place that there would be no question as to where I would go. With that being said, I still continue to work on myself in a positive way.
Before I met my ex I was a positive person with a great outlook on life. I found that throughout our time together his negativity would bring me down. Fortunately, I have been able to correct this since our split, but I won't say there aren't moments when I have negative thoughts (i.e. paragraph 2 above..LOL).
It amazes me how dishonest some people can be. I am not just talking about my ex (even though I once again caught him in a lie). It seems to have become more the norm today. As far as my ex goes, I will tell you this, I wouldn't wish any of the feelings of hurt, betrayal and rejection on my worst enemy, including him, that I have felt these past two years. I can say for a fact that I did nothing to earn the disrespect I received.
I know I am not perfect but I try to be a good person and I do try to improve myself. I can honestly say that if I were to die tomorrow, I feel that I am in a good place that there would be no question as to where I would go. With that being said, I still continue to work on myself in a positive way.
Before I met my ex I was a positive person with a great outlook on life. I found that throughout our time together his negativity would bring me down. Fortunately, I have been able to correct this since our split, but I won't say there aren't moments when I have negative thoughts (i.e. paragraph 2 above..LOL).
Friday, January 6, 2012
Are you ready for some football??
What an exciting weekend in store for us!!! The Saints on Saturday night and LSU on Monday night!!! I love football! I get it from my mom who also loved the game. Even when she moved to Wisconsin, the Packers came 2nd and the Saints came 1st! What can I say, she was a smart woman!!!
I hope everyone has a safe weekend!
I hope everyone has a safe weekend!
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