New Year, New Me

Here it is, the end of another year. A time that we make resolutions for the coming year, which are usually the same year after year.

The past couple of years I have worked really hard on my inner healing. I feel that I am in a really good place now both spiritually and emotionally. I am the strongest and happiest I have been in my entire life.

There is only one thing that I am not happy about....my appearance. Not only do I want to lose weight, I want to look and feel healthy. I know I have a lot to offer and a lit of love to give but a person has to get past the outside to learn what I have to offer on the inside, right?

Because of this I didn't wait until the new year to get started on this. I had joined a gym right before Isaac but lost my ambition sitting at home with no AC or power for 5 days. I got tired of wasting money and since I have a contract I got up off the couch and started going to workout two weeks ago. It has been slow going because I am so out of shape but I already feel better....for the most part. My knee has been bothering me but I have made adjustments and have lost 4 pounds so far.

I will be meeting with a personal trainer once a week and working out 4-5 times a week. My trainer recommended an app for me call My Net Diary. I can track my meals, exercise, etc and it will tell me what I need more of and what I need to cut back on. I highly recommend it.

For the first time in my life I am actually making smart diet choices and know I work too hard at the gym to eat junk.

I really want to run the Crescent City Classic on March 30th. The only reason I haven't registered yet is my knee. I have an appointment on Jan. 7th to have it checked so please pray it is nothing serious. I am hoping an injection will do the trick.

I am going to post my progress on here because if I am accountable to someone else I will do better so wish me luck. My first goal is my birthday in June...to be halfway to ideal weight and my final goal is to be at my goal weight for my cousin's wedding on December 7th. I am contemplating getting a "goal dress" for that but haven't decided yet so I would appreciate your input on the subject.

I wish all my friends and family's safe and blessed new year!

Fall is usually my favorite season….

…but this year it hasn’t been so great.   The first day of fall started out with Cole having a play date with his BFF, Joey.  They are so funny together.  While they were playing in the backyard with Hannah I got a call that I will NEVER forget.  It was from my oldest sister, Marsha.  We had been texting back and forth all morning so I didn’t think twice about it, but when I answered the phone she asked “what are you doing?” I could tell she was crying.  At first I thought something was wrong with one of her kids, but when I asked “What’s wrong?”, never in a million years did I expect the response “Chris (our brother) was killed in a plane crash.”  (He had purchased a plane in August, the 2nd one he has owned.)  I immediately went numb.   Just then my boss called so I hung up with Marsha to talk to Pat, and as soon as I said the words “my brother was just killed in a plane crash” I lost it and started crying.  I called my older kids, Amanda, (Chris was her Godfather) and James.    Then I spoke with Marsha again and coordinated making the phone calls to aunts, uncles and cousins.   I called my cousin, Franny, who lives about 15 minutes away from my sister-in-law and nieces in Texas.   She said she would call her brother and sister and let them know.  While in Denver a couple of weeks ago, I found out that Garrett was actually at my mother’s cousin’s house when Franny called him to tell him.  He gave the phone to my cousin Patti, because he didn’t know how to handle it and Patti was able to relay the information to several cousins who were together at the time. 

Fortunately the kids were still playing outside and I got a text from Joey’s mom (my dear friend Becky) saying they had gotten home.  We were supposed to head over there to watch the LSU game.  I texted her and asked if she could come pick Joey up and told her about Chris.  While we waited for her to come, I was still numb but Cole and Hannah asked why I was crying.   I told them about their uncle and Hannah said “I’m going to ring a bell so he can get his wings.”  It took me a minute to realize what she was saying, because I was still of the mindset of the plane and not an angel getting their wings.  She was so sweet.  They both talked about my sweet little nieces, Taylor (age 5) and Victoria (age 2).  She came over and took Joey, and offered to take Cole and Hannah.  At that point I didn’t want to be alone so the kids stayed home with me.  

A little while later Amanda called to tell me she found an article online about the crash. I texted Becky to see if I could go to her house and get online (I have internet at home, but my laptop is broken…I really need to get it fixed).   She and Kirk were AMAZING!!!  Even their dog, Scrappy, could tell something was wrong because the normally hyper dog just came and lay down next to me on the couch.  

While I was at Becky’s my aunt called me to tell me that my grandmother had fallen and hurt her arm.   She was at the emergency room so they hadn’t told her about Chris yet.   They wanted her to settle down before they told her.  The next morning my aunt and uncle conference called her and told her.  Later that day she fell 2 more times and ended up with a black eye, bruised face and arms.   My Grammy is 95 years old (will be 96 in January), is legally blind and lives alone in a senior community.   

So here I was worried about my grandmother and my heart was breaking for my sister-in-law, Sarah, and my nieces.

Since my dad died in 2009, my four siblings and myself became so much closer.   I hadn’t talked to Chris in a while but had texted back and forth around Hurricane Isaac.  I was going to evacuate to his house in Argyle, Texas if the storm was a Cat 2 or higher.   Had I known I would be without power for 5 days and my brother would be gone 3 weeks later, I would have definitely gone. 

We traveled to Argyle/Denton, Texas to attend the services and there were two things that impressed me so much.  First – The people from my brother’s church and town that came out to support my sister-in-law was amazing.  God definitely put them in the right place to go through this tragedy.  Second – was my sister-in-law.  Her strength and grace impressed me.   They had been married 6 years and together 10 years.    I was also able to catch up with family and friends of Chris’ who I hadn’t seen in a while. 

10 days after Chris died, heaven got another angel.  My uncle, Kevin Barry, passed away after a lengthy illness.   He married my aunt, Anne-Marie, when I was 8 or 9, taught us sign language (he became deaf after contracting meningitis when he was 16.  He lost all of his senses and all but his hearing returned). 

I know Mom and Dad were waiting with open arms for both of them.

Sunday night I got a call from my Godmother in Maine.  She said “I have some bad news”.  Her son, David (46) had suffered a heart attack Friday.  The good news is he has had 2 stents inserted and will be going home today.  I don’t think I could take any more loss this year.

This is a season of being thankful, and as tough as this fall as been.  Well, actually these last few years, I am very thankful for my friends and family and the blessings God continues to bestow on me.  I am also thankful that if it was Chris' time to go, he went doing what he loved to do...FLY!

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

 

 

Live Each Day to the Fullest

Yesterday there was a tragedy in the town I consider my hometown.   I moved to LaPlace when I was 13 and moved away from there 21 years later but James and Amanda still live there as do many of my dear friends.  

Yesterday 2 deputies were wounded and 2 were killed in an ambush.  My heart is breaking for the families of all of those involved.   What a senseless event.

With this, I am reminded to live each day to the fullest, with a close relationship with God.  You never know when your time will come.  Will you be ready?

My condolences, thoughts and prayers go out to the families of Jeremy Triche and Brandon Nielson.  My thoughts and prayers are with Jason Triche and Michael Boyington and their families, as well as the entire St. John Sheriff's Office family as they recover from the senseless tragedy.

Successful Beginning Experience Weekend

This past weekend was our Beginning Experience weekend.  I have always called it a retreat, but it is far from that.  As weekend coordinator, the week leading up the weekend is very busy making sure we have all the supplies we need.  The weekend itself is very long and tiring (late nights and very early mornings for team).    As an overall, there is a lot of walking involved.  To top it off, I couldn’t sleep Friday night…only got about 3 hours of sleep!   But the benefit far outweighs the challenges.   We had the most amazing participants this time, who were very open to the process of this amazing ministry.  I have been blessed to be a part of it and to meet so many new friends/family because of it.  

I realized on my weekend that I am the happiest and strongest I have ever been, so I have to move on.  I will continue to be a part of Beginning Experience as alumni as well as help them with fundraising so people that need the ministry but can’t afford it, can attend a weekend.  

I have always believed God has a plan for me, and part of that plan led to me to my Beginning Experience family. 

I have spent the last 1 ½ to 2 years working on inner healing.   None of us are really ever completely healed, but I am in a wonderful place spiritually and emotionally.  Now it is time to work on the physical side (hopefully it will take me far less than 2 years…LOL). 

Hugs to all!

Happy Memorial Day

As I sit here thinking of this weekend, I can't help but think of the many servicemen and women who are fighting for our country this very minute.   I am fortunate to come from a military/patriotic family.  My grandfather fought in WWII at which time my grandmother was a Rosie the Riveter.  My dad and uncles served in the military and my brother and son currently serve in the Army National Guard.  Jason has been on 3 tours to Afghanistan and Iraq and James will be going on his 2nd tour to Afghanistan in February.   I am proud to be an American!!!

I remember a television commercial from shortly after 9/11 that said..."they thought it would change our country...and it did" and goes from showing a street of row homes to each home with an American flag hanging from it. 

This Memorial Day weekend, for the 2nd year in a row, I will be spending at Bayou Country Superfest with Amanda, her BFF Arielle and Arielle's mom, Jena.  Jena's birthday is June 3rd and mine is June 4th, so we will be celebrating a little early this year. 

Have a safe and happy weekend.

Busy Weekend/Week Ahead

I usually like to relax on the weekends but will not be doing much of that this weekend!

Tonight is City Park Night for Airline Park Academy!   The kids are looking forward to the rides and I am looking forward to visiting with all the awesome moms, dads and teachers that I have become friends with at this wonderful school!  

Tomorrow, in preparation for our upcoming Beginning Experience weekend in June (the last one I will be attending as part of the team) we have a meeting for critiquing and making our banner.   Looking forward to spending time with my BE family!

Sunday I am going to LaPlace to enjoy one of my BFFs from high school's daughter's graduation party.   I haven't seen her family in quite a long time so I can't wait to be able to visit with them.

Monday is Hannah's kindergarten awards then field trip to Chuck E. Cheese.   After that I will be heading back to school for Cole's 1st grade end of school celebration.

Tuesday is Cole's 1st grade awards ceremony and Wednesday is their last day of school. 

I am tired just typing all of this!   Might have to hit Lisa up for a massage!

Hugs to all!  Have a safe weekend!

New Venture - Thirty-One Gifts

I have recently started a new venture.  I have become an Independent Consultant with Thirty-One Gifts.  I had been looking for a way to make extra money and had considered several different options.  After learning about the company (love their products) I looked into them a little more and found out it was named after Proverbs 31 regarding the virtuous woman.  Well, that sealed the deal for me as far as the company, but I prayed over whether this was the right decision before signing up.   Well, I have been blessed with wonderful friends and family who are helping me grow my business.

The annual conference is scheduled for August 1 through 4 in Atlanta so I am currently praying and discerning over whether this is something I am able to do.   I know if God thinks I should be there, he will provide for me so I am not going to stress about it.  God has a plan.

Hugs to all!

Updated Bucket List

My Bucket List

I originally created my bucket list in June, 2010 after returning from a retreat.   I have updated/clarified some of the items.

Things I want to do and places I want to see/go (in no particular order)

1. Disney World
2. Las Vegas
3. New York City
4. Hollywood
5. Rocky Mountains
6. Medjugorje
7. Greece
8. Italy (Rome)
9. Run a marathon
10. Go white water rafting
11. Go horseback riding
12. Go on a zip line
13. Go on a hot air balloon ride
14. Overcome my fear of snakes
15. Get a complete makeover
16. Learn to play guitar and/or violin
17. Learn to salsa dance
18. Take an RV trip on Route 66
19. Go swimming with dolphins
20. Learn to knit 21. Visit a waterfall
22. Go hiking in the Smoky Mountains
23. Go on a road trip to see fall foliage (preferably in the beautiful state of Maine)
24. Learn a foreign language
25. Re-learn the piano
26. Run through a meadow of wildflowers
27. Go snorkeling/scuba diving
28. Go on a romantic picnic
29. Fly in a helicopter
30. Go on a cruise 31. Visit Hawaii
32. Learn sign language
33. Go to Ireland
34. Visit Napa Valley/San Francisco
35. Go on a scenic bike ride
36. Visit Coney Island
37. Visit Yellowstone National Park
38. Visit the Grand Canyon
39. Buy a home
40.Start a craft business 41. Run the Crescent City Classic
42. Achieve ideal weight
43. Take ballroom dance lessons
44. Go on a scenic train ride
45. Serve a meal to the poor/needy
46. Sleep under the stars
47. Rent a convertible for a weekend
48. Plant a vegetable garden
49. Create a family tree
50. Sew a complete outfit (correctly)
51. Send a message in a bottle
52. Plant a tree
53. Visit a waterfall
54. Write down my goals and work toward achieving them.
55. Visit with the elderly
56. Give Christmas gifts to the poor 57. Fly first class
58. Go whale watching
59. Be financially stable

60. Go to a concert in the park 61. Give a heartfelt surprise to someone – special or a stranger
62. Make a difference in someone’s life
63. Perform a kind deed for 5 strangers
64. Write a book/memoir
65. Experience a sunrise with someone special
66. Experience a sunset with someone special
67. Go stargazing
68. Go birdwatching
69. Rescue a dog from a shelter
70. Write a letter to three of my closest friends
71. Bake a cake for someone special 72. Have a meditation/peaceful weekend all to myself. 73. Help someone in need
74. Go sailing
75. Make a recipe book
76. Become better organized
77. Put myself first
78. Feel special to someone
79. Accept that I deserve the best 80. Dress up in a great costume
81. Take classes regularly to learn something new
82. Learn wine appreciation
83. Visit a museum of art
84. Visit plantations
85. Ride a streetcar
86. Go on a river cruise
87. Get closure on all hurt, grieving, unhappiness 88. Start a monthly social gathering
89. Be a mentor to someone
90. Get naval pierced
91. Get a tattoo
92. Take up a sport
93. Find true love
94. Visit historic churches
95. Go to the beach
96. Sign up to be a bone marrow donor97. Volunteer at church 98. Spend a day doing whatever the kids want
99. Visit all 50 states
100. Have a spa day

Family and Friends

I have been blessed with the most amazing group of family and friends.  When I have a bad or sad day, there is always someone there to lift my spirits...some I may have known my whole life, others may be new friends.  I thank God every day for the blessings he has bestowed on me.  Every day is not easy, but it his plan for me and I cherish that. 

I want to thank each and every one of you for being one of my blessings!

Six weeks?????

I can't believe it has been 6 weeks since my last post.   I have been really busy with teaching Catechism, Cole and Hannah, working on my crafts, etc.  

I am looking back over the last two years and can't believe how far I have come.  When I found out about my husband's girlfriend from my sweet little Hannah I was devastated.  After all, I was still grieving the death of Dad and felt like I had let him down.  I now realize that what I tell my kids is true...when God is ready for you he takes you.   I have read two books that have helped me accept that....Heaven is for Real by Todd Burpo and 90 Minutes in Heaven by Don Piper.  

The old saying is true...that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger!   I am the strongest I have been in my whole life and try to have a positive attitude!   I also make sure to thank God every day for the blessings he has bestowed upon me, especially my children, brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles and cousins and my friends, both old and new.  

Happy Easter to all!

Beginning Experience/Valentine's Day/Mardi Gras

Hi everyone!

Sorry it has taken me so long to post again.  Last weekend (Feb. 10-12, 2012) was our Beginning Experience weekend.  It was a very successful weekend! 

Unfortunately I had to work Monday so I wasn't able to rest from the weekend.  When I got home from work I had a Valentine's Day card from by best friend!  Tuesday was Valentine's day so I was planning on cooking for a couple of single friends (Beth and Lisa) from Beginning Experience.   As I was getting ready to cook, I got a call from my friend/neighbor who asked if I was doing anything for dinner.  She and another friend (a different Lisa and Bette) were going to pick up something to eat and rent a movie.  I told her we already had movies to watch and I was cooking so to just come on over.  This reminds me of the scripture where Jesus feeds the multitudes because I only had 3 chicken breasts but we made it stretch and even were so full!  I have to say this was my best Valentine's Day ever (so far...LOL).

Thursday I met up with my friend Jennifer who was in from Seattle with her family and we went to the uptown parades.  Amanda picked up Cole and Hannah from school and met us.  I had a great time, as did the kids, but it was sooooo tiring!!!  I am not as young as I used to be. 

Saturday I went with Beth and Lisa to see The Vow.   It was an amazing movie.   I pray I am able to find a love like that in my lifetime. 

As for Mardi Gras, I am not planning on going to any parades.  I am going to stay home and do some gardening and maybe take the kids to the park for a picnic...low key.

Have a safe Mardi Gras everyone!!

Hugs!

Super Weekend!!!

Congratulations to the New York Giants and New Orleans native, Eli Manning, for winning Super Bowl XLVI!  Love a game that is decided near the end (except when the Saints are playing....too stressful).  Can't wait for Super Bowl XLVII in New Orleans!!!

Friday night I had to rush home and get the house ready for a meeting for Beginning Experience.   I was planning on doing it Thursday night but was up until after 10:00 fighting Cole to do homework. 

Saturday night I had Mass and Recommittment for our upcoming Beginning Experience weekend.   God was definitely watching over us because when Lisa and I got to the church, there was a break in the downpour so we didn't get drenched!!!

Yesterday I didn't even leave the house!   My friend/neighbor, Lisa, came over in her slippers, with a blanket and pillow and we ate pizza, had drinks and watched the game....very relaxing.

Now it is Monday again.  I am working today so I can have Friday off for the Beginning Experience weekend.   I have so much to do this week!!!  As weekend coordinator it is my job to make sure everything goes off as planned..no pressure.  So please say a prayer that we are able to reach out to those grieving.

Have a blessed week everyone!  Hugs!

Spirit Filled Weekend

This past weekend I went on the Catholic Charismatic Renewal of New Orleans' Women's Retreat at the Lafayette Hilton.  This was my second year attending and it was amazing, especially spending it with my sisters from my prayer group, Women Empowered by the Word of God.

I have been blessed with so many new friends since my separation/divorce...women (and a few men) I have met through Beginning Experience.  Women who have gone through the same grief with the death of their marriage...some by divorce, some by death.  God has led these to these wonderful women for a reason and I am so thankful to Him because of it.

Friday night was praise and worship, a testimony and then a teaching.  Saturday I attended a Life in the Spirit Seminar (this is the 3rd one I have attended) and each time I attend I come away with something new!  I could feel God's presence in my heart and that is such an amazing feeling.  God gave me the gift of tongues!  

After the seminar was over we went back into the ballroom to be prayed over individually by Father Richard McAlear.   This wonderful man suffers with arthritis of the spine but prayed over each one of the 600+ retreatants!  Patti Mansfield (an amazing woman who I will write about in a minute) told us to keep our eyes open and look into Father McAlear's eyes as he prayed over us.  All I can say is WOW!!!  It is so hard to describe what I felt when I looked into his eyes...his kind, compassionate eyes!  He then made the sign of the sign of the cross on my forehead and gently touched my cheek.   I felt such peace!

Sunday after Mass, when Patti was speaking she asked how many of us felt like we were looking directly into Jesus' eyes when Father McAlear prayed over us and that is exactly how I felt!!!! 

As for Patti Mansfield, what an amazing woman!  I feel so honored that she is with CCRNO, especially since she was present at Duquesne University when the Holy Spirit was present for the start of the Catholic Charismatic Renewal.  Patti has ministered on five continents, has addressed Pope John Paul II and Pope Benedict XVI and I get to hear her testimony and teachings!  

I haven't been attending the weekly CCRNO meetings much this past year, but I know God is calling me back to them! 

Positive Thoughts

Most people who succeed in the face of seemingly impossible conditions are people who simply don't know how to quit.

-Robert Schuller

Ok, last week I had a negative day!   So what better way to make up for that than have a positive weekend with my babies!   Yes, the Saints lost, but they had a great season! 

Cole and Hannah went to their cousin's birthday party Saturday night and Sunday they "helped" me put the fall and Christmas decorations in the attic...when I say help, I mean they stood on the bottom of the steps to make sure I didn't fall...LOL.  It was such a beautiful day out that they wanted to "make a tent" in the backyard.  I have a huge tent but I had bought a smaller one that I hadn't used yet so I set it up for them and THEY LOVED IT!   They played in it all Sunday and Monday while I cleaned house.   It was just a nice, relaxing weekend at home (except for the cleaming but that wasn't too bad either).  I feel like I accomplished alot! 

On a sad note, today I am praying for Courtney Roth who lost her son Tripp to EB over the weekend.  Most, if not all, of my friends know this story.  I cannot imagine the feeling over losing a child, no matter how much you think you are prepared for it.  I am praying for Courtney for strength to go on with her guardian drummer boy watching over her, safe in Jesus' arms. 

Marriage is Forever...yeah right!

I was looking forward to a weekend with the kids, which was interrupted by Cole telling me they had a surprise party to go to Saturday night for their cousin.  Part of me wanted to say, it's my weekend, so sorry.  But I know how much Cole and Hannah love their cousin, Paige, so I put my feelings aside once again so they could go with their dad to their cousin's party.  

This has made me do so much thinking about the kids.  When I was divorced from my first husband I knew we married too young and it was for the best and I didn't look back, and neither did he.   In fact, we had a very civil relationship for James and Amanda's sake.  I said if I ever got married again, it would be forever.....little did I know. 

When Kelly and I met we hit it off.   After my first divorce I became stronger in my faith and knew that when I met someone they would have to have a strong Catholic faith.   I found reassurance in the fact that Kelly went to St. Louis King of France and then Brother Martin.  His screenname (yes we met online) was even his confirmation name!   Boy was I naive!   We didn't get married in the church because we had already had Cole and I was expecting Hannah.  When we would go to mass I wouldn't go to communion.  He would ask why and I would tell him I couldn't because we weren't married in the church.  He told me "that doesn't matter, just go". 

After Hannah's birth I suffered from post-partum depression and my mother had come out of remission for her leukemia.   I worked full-time and Kelly stayed home with the kids.  I found out later that Kelly was meeting women online and running up the phone bill calling them.  Instead of being there for me after giving birth to his daughter, he just turned to other women.  When I found out (one night he left a chat screen open...when I saw it I felt like I had been punched in the gut. He was calling them from the shed...his man cave... on the cordless phone.  I bought a cheap phone at Walgreens and listened in.  I heard him talking, went out in the shed and he LIED TO MY FACE and said he was talking to his sister.  When I said it wasn't her and told him what I had heard his face dropped), he swore he would go to counseling with me, but he went to one of my counseling sessions, didn't like what my therapist had to say, and never went to any session again.   My mom died a month later.  When I told him that the doctors had given him 2 days to 2 weeks to live and that I wanted to go see her he flew into a rage, started hitting things and destroyed the coffee table my dad had made.  I was TERRIFIED.  I called his dad because I didn't want to have to call the police...naive again!.  His dad came over and calmed him down, the whole time I was packing because I was going to see my mom whether he liked it or not.  

That was a horrible trip.  We took my older kids so we all could say goodbye and Kelly got furious because I said my oldest who was 17 at the time was coming too.   Kelly and James got along in the beginning but James would not listen to us, would steal and break things, let kids in our house when we were gone...the things 17 years old aren't supposed to do but do.  So not only did I have to deal with the tension between Kelly and James, I left  Wisconsin knowing that I would NEVER see my mother here on earth again.  James, Amanda and I cried for an hour on the trip home (Cole and Hannah were too young....Cole was 1 1/2 and Hannah was 8 months). 

My mother passed away one week later.  At first I wasn't going to go to the funeral in Wisconsin because I knew we would be having the burial and a memorial service in LaPlace.  Our trip to Wisconsin was the last week of June, my brother's wedding was July 2nd, my parents' 43rd anniversary was July 4th and my mom passed away July 7th.  I had a ticket to go to Lake Tahoe for Chris' wedding because I stayed an extra day with Mom (I still feel guilty about not going to his wedding) I changed my airline ticket to go to the funeral.   We actually took a picture of all five of us kids with my dad outside the church and I think that is the last picture we have of all of us together. 

Well, things between Kelly and I got a little better...for a while. 

I quit work in August 2007 and he went back to work.  His attitude started to change then.   I think he resented that I "made" him go back to work.  I wasn't not working, I had actually started a business with his sister and a friend called "Fleur de Lis and More" selling fleur de lis items at craft shows and festivals...some was resale..some stuff we made which I enjoyed.   The shows were mostly on the weekends but since he worked with his dad his schedule could change if we had something during the week.  He liked the extra money that I made and he controlled it all (I will admit that I am horrible with finances and housework). 

Things "seemed" to be going fine.   We would have family meals, go on Sunday drives, etc.

About a year later my kids would talk about "Miss Sassy" at the shop (they would go with him occasionally).  This talk came and went and he told me it was his dad's friend.  This was normal at the shop so I didn't think anything of it.  But when it started getting close to his 40th birthday I could tell it was bothering him.  He started acting really weird.   A month later my dad was diagnosed with cancer and ended up in the hospital in Wisconsin.  I flew up to take care of him and we were told he couldn't live alone.  (We could tell something was wrong when he came visit us at Thanksgiving).  When I left Kelly told me to do what I needed to do and Dad could come to our house if needed.   So while I was trying to get him packed up in Wisconsin (my sister flew up to drive him down with me), Kelly was really great about getting a room set up down here for him and getting a hospital bed, wheelchair, etc. 

Although I wouldn't change it, that was a tough year - 2009.  My dad needed constant help but finally was stable (had to be stable for 3 months to be considered remission) but he had a month long hospital stay 3 weeks after he got here and I had to stay at the hospital with him every night and Marsha would help out 2 nights a week...thank God because those are the only 2 nights a week I slept.  I was a walking zombie.  Kelly was so great with the kids.  One day he said he was proud of me for all I was doing and I said "you would do the same for your parents."  He said "no I wouldn't" (but I truly think he would...to some extent).  In August 2009 Kelly told me I had to go back to work so I was fortunate to get a part-time job with a former employer starting September 1st - worked 3 days a week and took dad to his appointments and whatever on the other 2 days.   Dad would go to Chris' in Baton Rouge for weekend visits, but didn't want to...he liked his comfort zone.  On November 23rd, Dad called me and said he had fallen.  I asked if he was ok and he said yes.  I asked if he needed me to come home and he said no.  He had fallen 2 weeks before at Chris' and didn't even call Chris...Chris happened to come home for lunch and my dad told him.  I called him a little later and asked how he was and he said hurting.  I asked if I should come home and he said no.  When I got home I took him to urgent care for x-rays and he had 4 broken ribs.  To this day I feel guilt, regret, sadness, anger...whatever, for not coming home when he first called.  They sent him home  on pain medication.  The next day Marsha came to stay with him (she was off that week) while I went to work.  When the home health nurse came she got him admitted to the hospital...Dad never came home.  He was in the hospital for about  month and I was going back and forth from work, the kids' activities, etc.  On December 18, 2009 he died.    I got the call at 11:00 at night and Kelly answered the phone.  As I was getting dressed to go to the hospital, I was freaking out saying something happened.  He said no it didn't they would have told me.  I got home at 4:00 a.m. the next morning and he got up from the couch and moved to the bed...he didn't say a word to me or even hug me.  Dad's funeral was the Monday after Christmas. 

The 2nd week in January Kelly told me he wanted a divorce when the estate was taken care of .  I knew that could take a year or more so I didn't think anything of it.  Things went on as usual although after I went back to work the kids talked ALOT about Miss Sassy - going to the park, getting ice cream, she went to pick up Cole from school with Daddy.   The day I was planning my dad's funeral we were at the grocery store and they said "that looks like Miss Sassy's car."   Well, I knew his dad's friend didn't drive that kind of car so I didn't know what to think.   That night Kelly told me he wasn't going to the funeral because James was going to be there.  I got so upset and told him that not only should he put his feelings aside out of respect for my dad, did he even consider that I might need my husband there.  He went but he wasn't really there for me...he was really distant. 

A few months later I stopped at the shop to get a check from him and he ran out of the shop and started yelling at me and looked into the shop.   I was so embarrassed I left.  As I was driving off Hannah said "that looks like Miss Sassy's car" parked across the street.   Then she told me Miss Sassy was sitting on Daddy's lap kissing him.   I couldn't breathe.  Here I was going through the hardest year in my life and Kelly was having an affair, in front of my kids and having them lie to me about it.  I do research so I started researching, found out her name, email address, etc.  and she denied knowing he was married....whatever.

Things got really tense before I was able to move out.   I still can't believe how naive I was believing his lies, but what makes me really angry is that he continues to lie to me and teaching the kids that lying is ok!

To sum up his affair.....he contacted her via myspace when she was 18, which was in 2008 and they were seeing each other for a year and a half before he told me he wanted a divorce.   She ended up moving in with him which wasn't allowed by courts, getting in a wreck in our car, and overdosing on pain medication at his house three months after she moved in.   He lied to me about her living there and even asked to borrow money to get caught up on his mortgage because he was three months behind and then said it wasn't a "loan".   I even bought him a ticket to a Saints game to go with me and the kids so he could experience the kids first Saints game - all while his girlfriend was living with him which I so stupidly believed him when he said she wasn't.   I won't even get into the pain medicine thing....I just hope he can live with himself for making my dad go through more pain than he should have had to!

I just feel really bad for Cole and Hannah because they don't deserve their world being torn apart and instead of their dad trying to work toward keeping their family together so they can have the best things in life, they have to go back and forth every two days, because that is what Daddy wanted. 

Don't get me wrong, knowing all the lies (that I think he actually believes)  that were told I stupidly believed, I am better off without him, but people are so quick to quit on their marriages and move on to some other poor unsuspecting person instead of doing what is right.   I just pray that for Cole and Hannah's sake he comes to his senses.

Honesty

Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and denotes positive, virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness along with the absence of lying, cheating, or theft. - wikipedia.

It amazes me how dishonest some people can be.  I am not just talking about my ex (even though I once again caught him in a lie).  It seems to have become more the norm today.  As far as my ex goes, I will tell you this, I wouldn't wish any of the feelings of hurt, betrayal and rejection on my worst enemy, including him, that I have felt these past two years.   I can say for a fact that I did nothing to earn the disrespect I received.  

I know I am not perfect but I try to be a good person and I do try to improve myself.  I can honestly say that if I were to die tomorrow, I feel that I am in a good place that there would be no question as to where I would go.    With that being said, I still continue to work on myself in a positive way.

Before I met my ex I was a positive person with a great outlook on life.  I found that throughout our time together his negativity would bring me down.  Fortunately, I have been able to correct this since our split, but I won't say there aren't moments when I have negative thoughts (i.e. paragraph 2 above..LOL). 

Are you ready for some football??

What an exciting weekend in store for us!!!   The Saints on Saturday night and LSU on Monday night!!!  I love football!  I get it from my mom who also loved the game.  Even when she moved to Wisconsin, the Packers came 2nd and the Saints came 1st!   What can I say, she was a smart woman!!!  

I hope everyone has a safe weekend!